Still Unmotivated Even After "Self-Care"? Here’s Why

NIKI – Oceans & Engines (2022)

In my previous blog, I talked about how different types of rest are essential for truly recharging our bodies and minds. However, what if you’ve been getting enough rest and still feel drained, unmotivated, and stuck?

This question came to mind during a recent catch-up with Ka Wynona, a former colleague from Praxis, a public relations agency in Jakarta, Indonesia. She now works for an automotive brand, and after months of not seeing each other, we finally reconnected.

As we swapped life updates, the conversation inevitably turned to the fast-paced, high-pressure world of public relations—where tight deadlines and endless to-do lists are just part of the routine. At one point, she joked, “Why don’t good food and shopping work anymore? I still feel drained!”

We laughed at the time, but later, her words stuck with me. Why do so many of us feel exhausted and unmotivated, even after trying all the so-called “self-care” and motivation hacks?

Why Motivation Hacks Don’t Work

Everywhere we look, we’re bombarded with advice on how to boost motivation instantly:

> Make a vision board.

> Follow a CEO’s morning routine.

> Listen to motivational talks.

> Reward yourself for small achievements.

These "hacks" feel promising because they give us a quick dopamine boost—a momentary push to get things done. Just like a sugar rush, the effect wears off quickly, leaving us back at square one—sometimes even more frustrated than before.

That’s because motivation isn’t just about a momentary surge of energy—it’s about sustained engagement. And for that, we need something deeper.

What Really Keeps You Going

According to Self-Determination Theory (SDT), developed by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, long-term motivation isn’t fueled by quick fixes—it comes from meeting three core psychological needs:

1) Autonomy: The Need for Control and Choice

We are most motivated when we feel in control of our actions and decisions. When we are forced, micromanaged, or pressured into doing something, our motivation declines rapidly.

Imagine a software developer who is given the freedom to design a project their way. The ability to choose fuels creativity and commitment.

Now, compare that to someone whose every move is dictated and questioned. Over time, they disengage. This applies to anyone stuck in a situation where they feel powerless—whether it’s a job they don’t enjoy or a rigid routine they can’t escape.

A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that employees with higher job autonomy report greater work engagement and job satisfaction.

Without autonomy, motivation suffers.

2) Competence: The Need to Feel Capable and Skilled

We are wired to grow and improve. When we see progress—whether in work, hobbies, or personal development—it fuels our motivation.

Think of a musician who finally masters a difficult piece after weeks of practice. That moment of achievement drives them to keep going.

Do You Like Brahms? (2020)

When we don’t see progress—when we feel stuck, unchallenged, or unrecognized—motivation plummets. Employees who never receive feedback or don’t get chances to develop new skills often lose their drive, even if they once loved their work.

I experienced this myself. Before Ramadan started, I took an online Al-Qur’an reading class package to become more fluent. After just a few classes, I noticed the improvement, which boosted my confidence to read the Al-Qur’an more frequently.

Growth fuels motivation. Stagnation kills it.

3) Relatedness: The Need for Connection and Belonging

Motivation isn’t just about personal goals—it’s also about feeling connected.

A teenager who loves soccer might not just enjoy the game itself but also the camaraderie of being part of a team. That sense of belonging keeps them engaged.

On the flip side, imagine a new employee who struggles to fit into the company culture. Even if the job itself is exciting, they may quickly feel unmotivated if they feel isolated.

According to research from the Harvard Business Review, employees who feel a sense of belonging at work are 3.5 times more likely to be engaged.

We don’t thrive in isolation—we need connection.

Are You Motivated by Passion or Pressure?

SDT also explains the difference between two types of motivation:

1) Intrinsic Motivation (Internal Drive)

This is the motivation that comes from within. We do something because it’s meaningful or enjoyable, not because of an external reward.

Some people exercise because they love how it makes them feel—strong, energized, and clear-headed. They don’t need external pressure; they do it because they genuinely enjoy it.

Intrinsic motivation leads to deeper satisfaction and long-term commitment, especially when an activity aligns with our values—like helping others, creating, or learning.

2) Extrinsic Motivation (External Rewards or Pressure)

Extrinsic motivation comes from outside forces—like rewards, recognition, or fear of consequences.

A person might work overtime not because they love their job, but because they want a promotion. Likewise, someone who starts painting for fun may lose interest once they turn it into a paid gig—the pressure of performance can overshadow the joy of the activity itself.

Extrinsic motivation isn’t inherently bad—it can be useful. However, relying solely on external rewards can diminish the sense of purpose and intrinsic fulfillment that truly drives long-term satisfaction and commitment.

The Power of Purpose

This brings to mind a story I once heard in a podcast featuring Ustadz Felix Siauw and Raymond Chin. I wish I could share the exact episode, but the story itself was memorable—so let me tell you about it.

A father had promised his son that he would attend his basketball game. Unfortunately, work got in the way, and he canceled at the last minute. The mother tried to explain, saying, “Dad is busy working to earn money for us.”

The child, disappointed, asked, “How much does Dad make per hour?”

After hearing the answer, the child quietly took out his savings, went up to his father, and said, “I want to buy one hour of your time with my savings, Dad.”

That moment was a wake-up call. The father realized that what he was chasing wasn’t just money—he was searching for something more meaningful: Time with his family.

It illustrates how people who pursue intrinsically meaningful goals—helping others, creating, learning—are happier, more resilient, and more motivated than those who chase validation or material rewards.

When to Push Forward, When to Let Go

Many people struggle with knowing when to keep going and when to walk away.

Have you ever stayed in a situation simply because you’ve already invested too much time, effort, or money? Even when it no longer brings joy, we convince ourselves to stay—just to avoid feeling like we wasted our efforts.

This is called the sunk cost fallacy—and it often keeps us stuck.

If we’re simply feeling lazy but know we have a bigger purpose to fulfill, it’s time to shift our mindset and take action. We shouldn’t take the opportunities we have for granted.

In contrast, if we’re in an environment that consistently drains us—where we lack control, growth, or connection—it may be time to move on.

Ariana Grande - no tears left to cry (2018)

What I Want You to Take Away

Motivation isn’t something we can force with quick fixes. It’s not about finding the perfect routine or waiting for inspiration to strike—especially in a fast-paced industry like public relations. Real, lasting motivation comes from knowing yourself and understanding what fulfills you.

It’s about aligning your goals with your priorities, surrounding yourself with the right people, and making choices that give you a sense of growth and purpose.

So if you’ve been feeling unmotivated, maybe it’s time to ask yourself: Am I chasing something that truly matters to me?

When our actions reflect what we value, motivation isn’t something we have to pursue—it comes naturally and sustains over time.

References:

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). "Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being." American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78. Link​

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2020). "Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation from a Self-Determination Theory Perspective: Definitions, Theory, Practices, and Future Directions." Contemporary Educational Psychology, 61, 101860. Link​

Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). "The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation." Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.​

Sheldon, K. M., & Kasser, T. (1998). "Pursuing Personal Goals: Skills Enable Progress, but Not All Progress is Beneficial." Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 24(12), 1319–1331.​

Cherry, K. (2023). Differences Between Extrinsic and Intrinsic Motivation. Verywell Mind. Link

Whitbourne, S. K. (2023). To Be Happy for the Rest of Your Life, Seek These Goals. Psychology Today. Link